Sunday, December 05, 2004

Plans Thwarted

I had modest goals for this weekend. I've long since learned that my children have an unparalleled gift at shredding ambitious plans. One of my biggest adjustments to parenthood is accepting that entire weekends can pass by without one significant accomplishment having taken place.

So, this weekend's to-do list? Laundry, grocery shop, mop the kitchen floor, maybe start some Christmas shopping.

What actually transpired? Tending to the sick, mostly. The cold that hit Allie last week morphed into what must be some form of tuberculosis. Really, the coughing has at times been that nasty. She felt so ill most of the weekend that at some points the only thing she had the energy for was to rest her head on my shoulder as I held her. I hope that she starts feeling better soon, poor girl.

This experience reminds me of my maternity leave with Sean. I was so overwhelmed with infant care that I had no energy left over to tend to the house. I had to repeatedly remind myself that taking care of the baby was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. If the bathroom needed to be cleaned but instead I felt like rocking him for a few hours while he slept, so be it. Those daily chats with myself didn't quite eradicate my guilt or feelings of inadequacy, but they did help me gain some perspective.

Of the things on my to-do list this weekend, I did manage to do laundry and go grocery shopping. I'm learning to embrace such small victories.